by Loves Editor | Adoptive Parents
It took years. It almost broke her heart. Here, for the first time, Mariska Hargitay shares the tender story of how she adopted her two precious new kids
Mariska Hargitay is among America’s favorite (not to mention highest-paid) TV actresses for one very good reason: her portrayal on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit of Olivia Benson, the grave, rarely smiling but deeply compassionate sex-crimes detective.
So it’s happily jarring to enter Hargitay’s sprawling but comfy New York City apartment and find…the trappings of a party. Dozens of helium balloons bounce against the ceilings of the living room and office; it was Hargitay’s 48th birthday recently, and her husband, actor Peter Hermann (who recently starred in the Broadway play War Horse), surprised her with a hayride-themed party. While the bales of hay have thankfully been removed, those balloons remain a happy reminder of the soiree. A massive teddy bear is also a permanent fixture in the living room.
“This is the fun house!” Hargitay says, buoyant in a Manhattan mom’s outfit of black jeans, riding boots, and layered tees that reveals her to be, refreshingly, as normal-size around the midriff as any top actress dares to be.
Her Family Plan
Hargitay gave birth to August at 42, an age after which subsequent pregnancies aren’t always easy. After a few years of Hargitay and Hermann’s enjoying new parenthood, “August wanted siblings, and Peter and I both envisioned this big family because we both come from that. Plus, we just had so much love to give,” she explains. “I was really letting the chips fall as they might, because I do think so much is up to God. I always said, ‘I don’t know how this is going to end up. I don’t know if I’m going to get pregnant and have twins. I don’t know…,’ ” she says, throwing her hands up theatrically, ” ‘if somebody’s going to leave a baby on my doorstep.’ But I really did think that down the line, Peter and I would adopt a child. That was always part of the plan.”
GH By Sheila Weller Read Full Story >>
by Loves Editor | Birth Mothers
As a birth mom I have my own story and it is unique. It can often be easy to romanticize the ideal adoption scenario; a young girl gets pregnant and loves the baby so much that she decides to give it a better home and life than she can offer. But there is much more to most birth mother’s stories than that typical, idealized notion.
I grew up in a stiflingly Christian home, church and private school. As a child and teenager I talked the talk, but deep down inside, I desired to break free and live how the rest of the world lived. So, as soon as I turned eighteen, I rebelled; and thinking I was invincible, I got involved in drinking, drugs and fooling around with boys. Eventually, my poor choices caught up with me and I was suspended from school after my freshman year in college and became pregnant shortly thereafter. But instead of accepting the consequences for my immature behavior and making better decisions, I sunk further into my selfishness and chose to hide my pregnancy from everyone around me except for my best friend.
Hoping that my condition would just go away, I continued in my denial for nearly eight months, resorting even to self-abuse in an attempt to avoid the inevitable. Finally, at God’s urging and my best friend’s pleading, I began to realize that there was no easy way out and that I needed help. So, while back in college, across the country from my home and the only person who knew my secret, I started to take the pregnancy seriously and scrambled to make important decisions. I confided in another friend at school who helped me take care of myself, find and interview adoptive families and eventually take me to the hospital in time to deliver a tiny, but precious miracle.
I had been a Christian my entire life, but God was never as real to me as He became in those 37 weeks at twenty years of age. No matter how hard I tried to deny Him or the presence of that angel baby, God was always there with me, silently waiting for me to let go and submit to His leading. He protected the child inside me from my mistreatment and when I finally did give up control, He provided within days the help and people I needed to find that little miracle a forever home. God’s hand was over every detail; even allowing me to keep complete confidentiality from everyone at school and at home. In fact, until I wrote a memoir about it in 2011, my secret stayed hidden from nearly all of my family and friends for over ten years!
I kept that secret for all those years because I was ashamed. Ashamed that a good, Christian girl got pregnant in the first place and then even more ashamed for keeping it a secret. As the years went on, the shame, just like side effects of a lie, kept building and weighing heavier on me until I very clearly heard God tell me that I didn’t have to live with it any longer. Jesus wanted to take my secret and turn it into a beautiful story of His unyielding love, forgiveness, provision and transformation. And now, there is no more shame, just thankfulness and the desire to encourage others who have been or currently are in a similar situation. And perhaps even help change the misperception of adoption and birth mothers.
I hope my story can help other catch a glimpse of the wide range of birth moms that are outthere. We are not cookie cutters; we all have different stories and different lives. Every birth mom has had their own, very unique adoption experience. Some may very well have been like the typical story, greatly anguished by their decision to give up their baby and still want connection with him/her and the adopting family. Others may not want any contact or because of substance addiction, incarceration or even international adoption may not be allowed to have any. Still others may be like me; although I have always appreciated any communication I get from the family, have never really felt a need for it.
There is such a spectrum of birth mothers and they should be treated as such. I want to urge adoptive and foster moms to listen to the stories of the birth moms they encounter and reflectively and prayerfully engage with them, not based on preconceived notions or glamorized ideals, but from where they are coming and where they are at now. That, in itself is the biggest thank you that one can offer the birth mom of their adoptive child.
And for girls out there who are pregnant and considering adoption, or have already placed a child and struggle with the shame and fears caused by their choices, I hope they will be encouraged to find a safe community with whom they can confide their secrets, be encouraged and supported in the sacrificial and loving decision to place their baby for adoption and feel nothing but PRIDE in that brave and selfless act.
Wynter is married to Jonathan and they live in Forest Grove, Oregon with their three children. She founded The Made to Mother Project (M2M), which is dedicated to encouraging, supporting and inspiring women by sharing their diverse stories of motherhood. And for ALL the messy details on her adoption journey, you can check out her memoir The Secret Inside Me, now also available on Kindle.
by Loves Editor | Adopted Children, Featured
Jessica Tatiana Long was born in Siberia with fibular hemimelia, missing most of the bones in her lower legs and feet. Her parents, Natalia and Oleg, were scared, impoverished, unmarried teenagers. The doctors who delivered Jessica told her young parents that they would not be able to care for such a severely disabled child back home in their village. So Natalia and Oleg reluctantly decided to place their baby girl in a Russian orphanage, though they felt certain that no one would want to adopt a crippled child.
However, when Jessica was 13 months old, American couple Steve and Beth Long came to Jessica’s orphanage and adopted her and another little boy with a cleft palette. As soon as they brought her home to Baltimore, the Longs started seeking treatment for Jessica’s condition. When Jessica was just 18 months old, both of her legs were amputated below the knee, and she was fitted with her first prosthetic legs.
But Jessica and her family didn’t let a little thing like two amputated legs slow her down. She quickly learned to walk and enjoyed a happy, active childhood. “I am one of six children and my parents made sure we all remained active,” Jessica told the Siberian Times. “I have been involved in many sports including gymnastics, basketball, cheerleading, ice skating, biking, running, and rock climbing. However, I always loved swimming the most. I learned how to swim in my grandparents’ pool where my sisters and I would spend hours pretending we were mermaids.”
Apparently, Jessica’s version of a mermaid likes to swim really fast. Whenshe was just 12 years old, Jessica became the youngest competitor on the US team in the 2004 Paralympic Games in Athens, Greece, where she won her first three gold medals. Jessica went on to win a total of twelve gold medals in three Paralympic games, and she is the current world-record holder in 13 Paralympic events. Her other awards include the 2006 U.S Olympic Committee’s Paralympian of the Year, and, at the age of 15, the 2007 AAU Sullivan Award, given to the nation’s top amateur athlete. She was the first Paralympian to receive this honor, beating out such high-profile athletes as speed skater Apolo Ohno and fellow swimmer Michael Phelps, and is still the only athlete with a disability to win the award in its 82-year history.
As her fame grew, Jessica became more curious about her humble beginnings. “I love Russia, and part of me will always be a Siberian girl,” she told Bob Schaller for USA Swimming. “Eventually, I would like to go back and see the orphanage I was adopted from. Want to hear something funny? Always when I was growing up, I thought I was a Russian Princess – Anastasia was my movie.”
Finally, after a flurry of international attention for winning five gold medals in the 2012 London Paralympic Games, a Russian reporter tracked down Jessica’s biological parents in the tiny village of Tem deep in the taiga. Natalia and Oleg were now married and had three more children – a daughter, Anastasia, and twins, Dasha and Igor. They knew that their daughter had been adopted by an American couple, but they were overwhelmed at the news that she was now a world champion Paralympic swimmer.
Within a day of arriving home in Baltimore after the London games, Jessica watched a video of her biological mother, father and sister on a Rossiya- 1 talk show. The video helped confirm something she had known intuitively since her childhood.
“I never once felt adopted in my family – never once,” she said. “I just knew that I had another family that looked like me. So, when I first saw the TV show and I first saw my biological mom, it was really cool. Because I just – I look like her.”
In December of 2013, Jessica journeyed to the village of Tem in the Irkutsk region of Siberia to meet her biological parents. She couldn’t speak more than a few phrases in Russian, but she told the Daily Mail that seeing where she came from was a life-changing experience. The 21-year-old posted a picture of her biological family on Twitter with the caption: “Meet my Russian family. I love them more than words can say. My heart is so full.”
Jessica continues to swim and excel and inspire millions all over the world. She recently brought home five gold medals from the 2014 Pan Pacific Para-Swimming Championships, which wrapped up on Sunday, August 10, and she is currently training for the 2016 Paralympic games in Rio.
“I believe God has a plan for everyone,” Jessica writes on her website, JessicaLong.org. “I believe God had a plan for me to be adopted from Russia, to come to the United States and become a Paralympic swimmer. Part of His plan is for me to inspire people, whether they have a disability or not.”
Photo by: Agência Brasil Fotografias
by Loves Editor | Adoptive Parents
The White family of Louisville, Kentucky knew what hardship was. The recession had hit the family hard and they had been forced to downsize from their large family home to a small rental. However, one of their four children, ten year old Ryan Elizabeth heard about kids with even less than they had. Reading about the orphans in Haiti, Ryan urged her parents to do something. Couldn’t they adopt some of the orphans who had no one to take care of them?
At first, her mom Shelly White thought her compassion was wonderful, but soon would be forgotten. But that’s not what happened. “She literally would not let this go,” White says. Ryan shook her piggy bank and begged her parents to just “take it!”
Soon the family tapped into “Show Hope” an adoption advocacy group so they could pray as a family for the hundreds of needy children on the website. Suddenly, one child captured their hearts like no other. A one year old baby girl with a cancerous tumor in an orphanage in China. The baby most likely had just one year to live. The White’s couldn’t imagine this little one going through that with no family to help or love her. “I had a mother’s love for her right away” says Shelly White, whose other children are 3, 6 and 9. “I can’t really explain it. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t get her off my heart.”
The couple came face to face with their main worry—how could they make room for one more person in their small house with one bathroom and six people already living there? And more importantly how could they possibly afford the $20,000 plus fees to adopt? Shelly White finally posed the question to her husband Hal– “Is money the only thing stopping us?” They decided it was, and would no longer be an obstacle. The White’s knew that God wanted them to adopt this precious baby girl, and somehow He would provide a way. They were going to do it! Things fell into place quickly after that decision. A local Louisville hospital offered to treat their new adopted daughter Mya at no charge.
Friends and family rallied around and held fundraisers for the adoption fees. Best of all, little Mya’s tumor is shrinking and her hopes for a future are climbing. The White children are having a blast with their new little sister and the parents say the only time they fight is when arguing about who gets to hold her. They proudly reflect on their daughter Ryan’s tenacity in making sure they “practiced what they preached.” The White’s example to reach out to those in need is not just an example for their four children but an example for the world.
http://www.today.com/moms/we-just-had-love-her-family-adopts-chinese-baby-cancer-6C10479747
by Loves Editor | Featured
Simply put, I am the son of a very brave woman. Anita, my birth mother, was just 16 when she discovered my existence. She knew there was nothing easy about being a pregnant unmarried teenager, but she never could have predicted all of the trials and obstacles she would have to conquer over the next nine months. When my birth father discovered that Anita was pregnant, he decided that he did not want to be a part of any of this. He chose to leave her to face these challenges alone.
After a great deal of prayer and thought, Anita knew that adoption was the right choice. While she was preparing for adoption and experiencing all of the changes and challenges of pregnancy, she was also determined to continue her education. Unfortunately, the Illinois schools in that era refused to accept pregnant teenagers. Anita’s grandparents told her about a program in Mesa, Arizona that would foster pregnant teens while they got ready to place their children in adopted homes, and there was a school close by that would accept my eager, strong, and increasingly pregnant birth mother. In a great leap of faith, Anita chose to move across the country to an unfamiliar place in order to achieve her goals of continuing school and preparing to place me for adoption.
My parents, Dave and Pam, had moved to Arizona from Chicago to start a business and, more importantly, a family. However, Pam was unable to have kids. For almost six years they agonized through the full range of tests and fertility treatments, but nothing worked. Finally, one day, my mother traveled to Patronato San Xavieran Church, an old Hispanic church in Tucson, Arizona. She prayed for the blessing of a child for hours and lit a prayer candle before she left. Nine months later, to the day, Anita gave birth to me, my parents’ first child.
When Anita gave me life, she also gave life to my mother. I can’t imagine my mom, Pam, without kids – she is just one of those people who was born to be a mother. After me, Dave and Pam adopted my sister Rachel, and then later their niece and nephew, Danny and Nina. We were a crazy, mixed-up, and very close family.
I always knew I was adopted, which is good because my sister Rachel and I are both Hispanic and our parents are both very white (we have a lot of jokes about that). I was always encouraged to ask questions and even contact my birth mother if I wanted. As a kid, though, I honestly wasn’t very curious about her. I loved my parents and my family and was happy with my life. I knew that my birth mother loved me and that she couldn’t take care of me because she was too young. At one point I wanted to know about any medical conditions that she might have passed on to me, but lucky for me I was in the clear.
Throughout my childhood Anita came to visit me a few times and had photos sent back and forth informing her I was doing well and or how life had been for my parents, but nothing that I was old enough to really remember. This changed at my high school graduation, when I met her for what felt like the first time. She had contacted me via Facebook and asked if she could come to see me graduate, and I said sure, of course you can. It was weird, though – the moment I saw her, I knew exactly who she was. I had never seen anyone who looked so much like me, or I guess, who I looked so much like.
Anita was married by then, and brought her husband, Dan, to meet me as well. We all went out to dinner and had a very nice (and only slightly awkward) time together. Anita and Dan have three beautiful daughters now, and I plan to fly out for one of their high school graduations in a couple months to spend some time with them. For some reason my little half-sisters are all very curious about their big brother.
My birth mother not only gave me life, she gave me a world of infinite possibilities. My adopted family gave me the support and opportunities to become anything I wanted, which lead to me becoming a nationally ranked motocross racer, graduating with a Master’s Degree in Organic Chemistry, and entering the field of nanotechnology. I have a whole life in front of me to make the world a better place, and it’s all because of my birth mother’s brave decisions and unparalleled strength. Thank you, Anita. Thank you for making, in my opinion, the hardest choice there is and for placing me with a family that I love with all my heart and who love me back even more.
Simply put, I am the son of a very brave woman. Anita, my birth mother, was just 16 when she discovered my existence. She knew there was nothing easy about being a pregnant unmarried teenager, but she never could have predicted all of the trials and obstacles she would have to conquer over the next nine months. When my birth father discovered thatAnita was pregnant, he decided that he did not want to be a part of any of this. He chose to leave her to face these challenges alone.
After a great deal of prayer and thought, Anita knew that adoption was the right choice. While she was preparing for adoption and experiencing all of the changes and challenges of pregnancy, she was also determined to continue her education. Unfortunately, the Illinois schools in that era refused to accept pregnant teenagers. Anita’s grandparents told her about a program in Mesa, Arizona that would foster pregnant teens while they got ready to place their children in adopted homes, and there was a school close by that would accept my eager, strong, and increasingly pregnant birth mother. In a great leap of faith, Anita chose to move across the country to an unfamiliar place in order to achieve her goals of continuing school and preparing to place me for adoption.
