“A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take!” Love, Brian
Above is a quote sent to me by my son. A son I have always loved, from the day he was conceived. He has grown to be such a successful and handsome man. His eyes look up at me with such love from the picture he recently sent me. What beautiful eyes he has, they reflect such love and care. He’s grown to become a promising and talented man. A computer graphic artist – he gets that from his grandfather. I am so proud of him. Who knows what other plans God has in store for him?
I write this letter with tears in my eyes. I have tears of love, of joy, and of pain. As of this day, I have never held him, kissed him, or sung him to sleep. But for me, this is OK.
At 15 I became pregnant with the help of a man – an adult in age only. Oh, what a mistake to be so selfish and not respect my body and my parents’ warnings.
A life was created and there was no turning back. I had to grow up fast. I knew I had to take care of him, but I had no proper means. I knew he deserved a life, a life with a mom and a dad, a life that would be best for him. I had to turn off my selfish thoughts and think only of what was best for him.
Abortion was out of the question. What a tragedy that would have been. God had a plan for this child. I had no clue what it would be, but I had peace of mind knowing God would intervene.
Yes, it was hard. It was very hard. My body changed; my family and I were humiliated; and, yes, my heart broke over and over; but for me, this was OK.
The day came. He was born in the hospital, and the nurses took him away. Later, Catholic Social Services received him and he traveled away with them. Away from me.
I did not even have a driver’s license. My father picked me up from the hospital. I remember quietly crying the whole way home.
As of this day, Brian is 36 years old. We have not yet held each other. We live 2,000 miles apart. I cry writing this part of the letter. I cry because I know one day I will be able to hold and kiss the sweet cheek of my son. My only son. If I had chosen abortion, I would have destroyed the only son God ever blessed me with. I have been married 28 years now to a man I met from another state. We only have daughters, but for me, this is OK.
I sacrificed my fear and pain for the love of my son. I trusted in God, and He blessed me with the return of my child in my life.
I tell this story because I find every life so precious. God has a plan for each and every one of us. Yes, everyone makes mistakes – this is how we grow. We learn from our errors. We must step aside and let God work His perfect plan. Who knows? The next unplanned child could be a scientist who finds the cure for cancer or a doctor who saves your father’s life. The future is unknown. Pray for strength and guidance in the present. He is listening.
I close with my prayer: “Dear God, please forgive me for being so selfish when I was young.” I hope God answers, “For Me, this was OK!”
A Letter From,
My Loving Heart