by Loves Editor | Celebs
A pint-sized powerhouse standing at just 4’11”, Kristin Chenoweth has captivated audiences on stage, big screen, and television. Her many incredible achievements include winning a Tony award for her portrayal of Sally in You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, originating the role of Glinda in the musical mega-hit Wicked, and receiving an Emmy for her role of Olive Snook in the ABC series Pushing Daisies. Most recently, Chenoweth has played the boozy but loveable April Rhodes as a recurring guest star on the popular show Glee.
Through all this success, Chenoweth has remembered the ones who chose her and brought her into their family as a baby in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. “It always goes back to my parents who adopted me, who gave me unconditional love and self-esteem,” Chenoweth told Fox News this past Father’s Day. “I don’t think I’d be where I am without them.” At the time of the interview, Chenoweth was promoting the Father’s Day Frosty Weekend to support the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
Chenoweth has been an active and vocal advocate for adoption throughout her career, particularly adoption within the United States. In her recent autobiography, A Little Bit Wicked, Chenoweth writes, “It bugs me when I hear about ‘Angelina’s adopted son’ or ‘Rosie’s adopted children’ – as if that word will always separate them instead of binding them together. Angelina’s son and Rosie’s kids and I should get a regular apostrophe-plus-s like everybody else.”
Chenoweth discovered her talent and passion for singing byperforming in local churches. At the age of 12, she was invited to sing a solo in front of the entire Southern Baptist Convention national conference. Chenoweth told Metro Family Magazine, “My parents encouraged me in the talents God gave me. I attribute my success to them giving up their own desires so that I could have piano lessons, so that I could go to ballet, the countless hours spent at play practice. Through encouragement, they helped me believe in myself.”
Not every adopted child becomes an award-winning singer and actress, but the inspiring story of Chenoweth’s adoption is just one example of the deep bond of love between parents and their adopted children. It is also a testament of the power of sacrificial love shown by Chenoweth’s birthmother. Chenoweth is deeply grateful to her birthmother, recognizing that she owes everything to one woman’s brave decision. “Love is not about doggedly clinging to what belongs to you,” Chenoweth reflects in her autobiography, “it’s about finding it in yourself to let go, even when letting go breaks your heart.”
by Loves Editor | Adopted Children
It was my daughter’s wedding day. And though all weddings are special, this one was extra-special. The church was beautifully lit by candles as I walked down the aisle first and took my seat up front so I could watch everything. Then our beautiful daughter walked down the aisle into the arms of the wonderful man who loves her unconditionally. But my daughter wasn’t the only special one who walked down that aisle. Her four-year old daughter, whom she had placed into a loving, adoptive family, swished down the aisle as one of her flower girls, big sash flouncing about.
Just five years ago, our daughter had been away at college and made some choices she knew she shouldn’t make. As a result, she became pregnant. She knew her life had gotten off track, and she would be the first to tell you that she knew this was her moment to step up. Returning home, she sought guidance on the best thing to do for her baby by talking to some really great counselors who helped her understand her options. Through much prayer and searching, and letting us listen to her heart, my daughter chose to place her baby with a loving family that was specially prepared for her little girl. For her, having both a stable mother and father was very important and she very much wanted that for her baby.
My daughter and the adoptive family have chosen to continue the relationship in an open adoption. The adoptive parents share with their daughter freely about her birth mommy who still loves her so much. My granddaughter knows her birthmother took special care to place her where she would be loved and cared for in a way that my daughter could not. They live far away, but we do see her from time to time. We receive pictures and love to hear about her dance lessons, fascination with volcanoes and many other things that the family wants our daughter and us – her other grandma and grandpa- to know about.
But that’s only part of the story. I said today was extra special. Today, I also watched my own birthmother walk down that aisle. You see, I am adopted, too, just like my granddaughter. I grew up in a loving family who also told me how loved I was and that my birthmother took such special care of me, placing me in a family that would love me forever. So, I watched as my birthmother held her head high (which wasn’t always easy for her during the past forty-six years) and walked down the aisle of her own granddaughter’s wedding, with her great-granddaughter carrying a tiny bouquet down the aisle. She sat right next to me, the daughter she placed for adoption so many years ago.
I was born at a time when all was kept secret. No one could know. My birthmother’s family even sent her away to have her baby. There was so much shame tied in. She was engaged, and when she became pregnant all the dreams began to fall apart. But she, just like my daughter (her granddaughter!), did something so beautiful and amazing. She placed me into a home where she’d been told “they are very nice people.” And really, that’s all she knew. Risking it all, she placed me into the home of what were truly “very nice people” where I lived my life, always knowing that I was adopted and specially loved, but not really knowing anything about my birth mother or father. And she went on with a life that wasn’t very easy at times. She always wondered about me. Depression would sink in -especially around my birthday. Guilt, sadness, pain. She wondered if I was angry with her for what she did.
Our reunion after forty-six years was so amazing. I’d left my name at an agency years ago that facilitates reunions in case any birth family was ever trying to locate me and then left it in God’s hands. The agency didn’t search. It was just a way to link people together. I’d never wanted to intrude into anyone’s life, and so many years had already passed. Sadly, my adoptive parents had already passed away, but Istill had a loving family and many other family members around. I did wish that I could tell my birthmother “thank you” and let her know that I’d had a beautiful life and was happy and grateful for what she did, especially when it wasn’t an easy time to do such things. Thirteen years passed and I figured it was not to be. Then one night I got a message from the reunion agency bringing such wonderful news into our lives. She was looking for me! I could finally look my own birth mother in the eye, hug her and tell her how beautiful she made my life.
So, we sat together at the reception. The birthmother I’d met for the first time a year ago joined me and my husband, along with family and friends. She watched. We watched. Our daughter was glowing as she danced with her husband. Her daughter was twirling on the dance floor and her adoptive family was laughing as their girls danced around the floor, too. Friends of ours leaned over to my birthmother and said something very special. “Do you see all these people here? Over three hundred people – both family and friends – are here today because of you. You made a difference in so many people’s lives and you just never knew it.” She knows it now.
Adoption – or should I say Love – has touched us all. What a day! No, what a life!! You should see our wedding pictures. They are truly extra-special.
by Loves Editor | Adoptive Parents
Mike and Linda talked to Rebekah’s birthmother by phone during her pregnancy, but they met her only once, when she had her ultrasound. Linda remembers that they talked for five to ten minutes and said very little. After Rebekah was born, her birthmother chose not to see her in the hospital. “She needed the distance,” Linda says. “She was afraid if she saw Rebekah she wouldn’t be able to go through with the adoption.” Instead, Mike and Linda sent letters and pictures at Christmas and on Rebekah’s birthday.
For the first few months, Mike and Linda worried that Rebekah’s birthmother would change her mind about the adoption. Rebekah’s birthmother avoided contact for a long time, afraid of how her daughter would treat her. Rebekah herself always knew that she was adopted. She says she appreciates her parents’ openness. “If they had kept it from me, I would have felt deceived—it would have been a lot more emotional for me. As it was, I was curious about it, just because I was curious.”
As Rebekah grew older, she called her birthmother from time to time, and last year she was able to visit her. Rebekah remembers that she didn’t find the meeting awkward. “My birthmom was more nervous than I was,” she says. “I really enjoyed seeing where she grew up, seeing the common ground between us.” Rebekah discovered that they both struggle in math, they enjoy a similar sense of humor, and they both approach their lives with a persistent determination. She says it was refreshing to see the quirks they share.
Rebekah also met her older biological sisters and realized the challenges her birthmother faced when she placed her for adoption. Her visit helped her understand and appreciate her birthmother’s decision. “Some people called her selfish and said my birthmom did it because she didn’t love me, but she knew she couldn’t handle having another baby,” Rebekah says. “She wonders if she could have raised me, but she did what she thought best at the time. She doesn’t regret that.”
Mike and Linda had to deal with each adoption differently. One mother wanted a closed adoption with no contact. The second birthmother was very comfortable with talking to the family. Their two boys came to them a few years later, through an international adoption. As Linda learned, the adoption process allows each mother to be “so different, so specific about what she wants.”
Rebekah’s sisters respond in their own way, Linda says. One sister wonders why her birthmother doesn’t want to talk to her or know anything about her. “She’s had feelings about it, wondering ‘what about me?’ ” Linda notes. “I asked her if she would look her birthmother up when she gets older, and she said she would.” Rebekah’s other sister sees her birthmother and biological siblings occasionally, but finds she doesn’t fit into their way of life.
A few years after they adopted their daughters, Linda and Mike moved to a new property, but they still remember the barn that helped Rebekah’s mother choose their family for her daughter. Linda feels that God guided them through all their adoptions. Looking back, she says she would encourage her own daughters to consider adoption if they found themselves pregnant, unmarried, and lacking strong support. “A mother might think if she keeps her baby that at least she’ll have someone to love and someone to love her. My challenge would be to think toward eternity, toward the long-term.” Rebekah agrees with her mom.
by Loves Editor | Birth Mothers
At the end of my son’s placement with his adoptive family, we laughed and hugged as we parted ways. The tears had dried and were replaced with hope and joy for the bright future ahead. I knew I would be able to look back on this day as a perfectly happy experience.
The same could not be said for the experience I had about eight months before my son’s placement. As I looked at the positive test in my hand, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I knew better. I was a twenty-seven year old pre-medical student, and I knew how babies were made. Oh man.
My boyfriend was there when I found out I was pregnant. He was the last person I wanted to deal with at that moment. I was supposed to leave for Thailand in the morning for a month-long volunteer trip. I was supposed to have a month away from him. Now I had to consider my options, including marriage. Abortion was not an option for me, and I strongly believe children do best with both a mother and a father in the home. So I said I would think about it in Thailand and we would talk when I got back.
The morning sickness was so bad that I had to come back from Thailand after only a week. As I spent time talking with my boyfriend, it became more and more clear to me that he was not a man I wanted to marry or raise a child with. I went home to see my family over Christmas, and with their support I began to piece together a plan. By the end of the holidays, I knew that adoption would be best for both my child and me.
My boyfriend was very ignorant about adoption – when I told him my thoughts and desires, he said that abortion would be better than placing our child in an adoptive family. I tried to talk to him and share my personal experiences with friends from high school who had placed their children for adoption, but he didn’t want to listen. He was very angry with me and I couldn’t understand why he was so narrow-minded. We broke up, and he packed up his car and headed back home to the east coast within twenty-four hours.
Then, I waited. I wanted to wait until I had health insurance before I went to the doctor for a prenatal check-up, and I wanted to wait until the risk of miscarriage was past before I started the adoption process. I was very practical throughout my entire pregnancy. When I went to see a caseworker at an adoption agency, I already knew that I wanted to place my child for adoption and that I wanted an open adoption. I think my case worker was a little surprised at my certainty. It is good to know now that no adoption agency had any influence over my decision.
One of my top priorities in talking with my caseworker was to hammer out my legal rights and obligations as a birthmother in the adoption process. For instance, I learned that it is the father’s sole responsibility to seek out information and establish paternity rights in the state of Oregon. Up until then, I had assumed I was obligated to call my ex-boyfriend and give him updates on a fairly regular basis, and that he automatically had paternity rights and would need to give permission for the adoption to go through. Once I told him that it was his responsibility to call, he got mad and never called again. I also learned that in OR there is no time frame after relinquishment in which to change your mind. (Adoption laws vary greatly in every state and I always encourage women considering adoption to know well the law in theirs).
Since I had chosen an open adoption plan, I got to choose what kind of family I wanted to place my child with. I could choose everything from the most basic parameters, such as age and what religion they were, to very specific details, such as how many children they already had, specific hobbies and if they had any pets. I decided that one of my priorities would be to find a family that had already adopted. I knew that families who had been through the adoption process often had scars from bad experiences, but I wanted the assurance that at least one of us had been through this before.
I chose a family that had not only previously adopted a little boy, but also met all my other picky requirements. We were able to spend a lot of time together during the remainder of my pregnancy, and we bonded over an ultrasound, regular picnics in the park, prenatal check-ups and a maternity photo shoot. Sadly, they had also been through a painful experience with a birthmother who had changed her mind two days after placement and decided to parent her baby. They still had some reservations about trusting my decision completely, but I knew without a doubt that I wanted my childto be part of this wonderful family and encouraged them to be excited about the upcoming birth.
When the big day came, my baby’s adoptive parents arrived at the hospital four minutes after I did. I wanted them to be present at the birth so that they could bond with their child as soon as possible, and so they would be able to tell him about the day he was born. It was an awesome and magical experience, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I gave birth to a perfect baby boy with a full head of hair and dark blue eyes. I gave him a sentimental family name on his birth certificate and they named him Oliver. His dad cut Oliver’s umbilical cord and together they both gave him his first bath. His mom held him skin-to-skin to warm him up when his temperature started dropping while I was recovering after the delivery. Their excitement and joy in these moments was my excitement and my joy. I treasure the memory of the awe and wonderment in their expressions and tears as they met, fed and cared for their brand new baby.
Then they left, and it was my turn. For the rest of my stay at the hospital, it was just me and little Oliver. I loved him more than I thought was possible – I still do. While holding him and gazing at him, I was more certain than ever that I wanted the very best life for my little boy, and I never wavered in my decision to place. My only want was for him to have everything, and more.
When placement came, I was as ready as humanly possible. I had heard heart-wrenching horror stories from birthmothers who had wept inconsolably as they placed their babies with their new families, never wanting to let go and feeling empty and heart-broken afterward. I didn’t want that – not for me, not for my baby, not for my baby’s family. I had been preparing for placement day from the very beginning of the adoption process; after all, this moment was what it was all about.
I didn’t want to make Oliver’s new family feel outnumbered, so I just brought a few important people with me – my mom, my “second mom” who had been a family friend and mentor since I was a little girl, my caseworker and my birth coach. My birth coach’s husband also came along to take pictures of this important day. The adoptive dad’s cousin came to help watch their two year old. Almost everyone had met each other before the placement, which helped to put everyone at ease.
My rule about the placement was that no one was allowed to cry – except me, because it was my placement. I didn’t want to dwell on the sadness of parting, but to celebrate new life, new love, new beginnings and new adventures. I planned some little sentiments to commemorate the moment – we toasted with sparkling apple cider and exchanged some small gifts.
After our little celebration was over, it was time to go. I didn’t want to drag it out, but if I could have frozen time and held him there forever, I would have. I remember holding him and looking at him through my tears and walking through how I would pass him to his adoptive mother in my head. I placed him in the arms of his parents and said “see you later” instead of “goodbye”. Everyone did end up crying in the last moments, but by the time we exchanged hugs and left, everyone was smiling and laughing again.
The placement is often the hardest part for a birth mother, so I would encourage anyone who chooses adoption to find a way to make it mean something to you. Another birth mom I knew had root beer floats at her placement. Try to incorporate part of your personality into the placement, and think of it as a starting off point rather than an ending.
Today, I have no regrets. My son is a happy little toddler now, and I’m a busy first year medical student. I’m better off and he is better off. It has been hard at times, but not as hard as people had told me – or as hard as single parenting would be. Open adoption is a relationship, and any relationship takes a lot of work, but we have smoothed out the worst of the communication issues by this point, and I am perfectly confident that my son is very happy, very loved and very well cared for, as am I. Adoption can be what you make of it. Gather all the information possible, choose a family that you connect with and find some little ways to make the adoption process meaningful to you, and you can make it a very positive experience for everyone involved.
by Loves Editor | Adoptive Parents
I knew from the time I was four that I wanted to be a mother. However, at a young age I was told that I would never be able to get pregnant. When Russell and I got married eleven years ago, we knew that we may never be parents. I got pregnant a few times but just could not carry for very long.
Then, while I was in Indiana to see my brother-in-law graduate from law school, my friend emailed me and told me to call home as soon as possible. When I called, she said her sister was pregnant and thinking of placing the baby for adoption – would we like to talk to her about our raising the baby? Of course I said YES! I immediately talked to Russell, and both of us were very excited! My friend called me later that afternoon and said that her sister, Kathryn, wanted to meet with us, and that it looked like she wanted us to adopt her baby. I thought we had a few months to get ready, but imagine my surprise when she said Kathryn was due within two weeks! I don’t think I slept much for the next few days before I could get home.
When I got off the plane I found out that Kathryn would be staying with us, because she didn’t want to be alone on the other side of town and go into labor. When I walked through the front door and met Kathryn for the first time, it felt like we were old friends. We bonded so fast, it was clearly meant to be. During the next week or so she would call me to come and feel the baby kicking. It was awesome; I got to bond with Emily before she was even born. I talked to Kathryn’s belly and Kathryn and I spent lots of time just getting to know each other. I told her that she would always know where her baby was, but I never thought we would be as close as we are.
Kathryn told me I was welcome to be a part of the delivery, and to this day I am so grateful for that experience. I know most parents that adopt don’t get to see the birth, and I love her for letting me! Before Emily was born, we called Russell, and he listened on the phone as his Princess cried for the first time. When the doctor put Emily in my arms the first time I thought I was going to pass out. I finally felt like a mom! Russell came down to the hospital after we got settled in the other room, and the first time I put Emily in his arms was awesome. I had never seen him hold a baby and didn’t know how he would be, but from that day on he looked like he was an old pro at it, and he loved every second of it.
We didn’t see much of Kathryn the first year of Emily’s life, but I know it was because she was getting on her with her life, and I am sure it was hard then to see us with Emily. However, now I talk with Kathryn every day, send pictures all the time, and in two weeks we will be going down to see her family, including her parents. Emily knows all about her first family, as she has met most of them.
Emily is now almost five and is such a joy in our lives. I can’t imagine what I would do without her. I also wouldn’t change our open adoption for anything. When Russell and I first talked about adoption, I never thought in a million years that I would have this open of an adoption. I will say it takes lots of work, and lots of communication, but it is all worth it! When Emily is older she won’t have to do any searching and she will always know where she came from.
