I started dating my boyfriend when I was fifteen years old. When I turned sixteen, I was pregnant. Some people say they didn”t know they were pregnant or they couldn”t tell, but I knew the moment it happened. I was terrified. I mean I was only sixteen, and what sixteen-year-old wouldn”t be scared? At first I kept telling myself I probably just had a stomach flu. I was too scared to take a pregnancy test so I never did. I told my boyfriend as soon as I figured I was. He was scared too.
My whole life I always said that if I ever became pregnant it was my own fault and I would not get an abortion. The truth is, the moment I knew that I was pregnant, abortion was the first thing to pop in my head. I was just so scared. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me that I shouldn”t do it and reminded me of my convictions.
I prayed and cried almost every day. I was miserable and scared. I had morning sickness for three months. I secretly hoped that if God did not want me to have this baby, I would have a miscarriage. One month went by, then two, then four, and I was still pregnant. I was small the whole time, but by the fifth month I could feel the baby moving inside me. It was so weird, and it finally became real to me. I had another life inside of me and was living for another person.
I knew that I could never keep him, though. I loved my baby so much already, and I knew I needed to give him the best life I could. I knew a sixteen-year-old “child” could never raise a baby the way it needed to be raised. My boyfriend really wanted to keep our baby, but I talked to him and he realized he couldn”t raise a baby any more than I could.
Finally, six months rolled around and my mom finally noticed and asked me what was up. I broke down and told her. She was furious. She yelled at me called me stupid and even went as far as to say “now you can”t even get an abortion.” It crushed me. My dad came in and hugged me and told me he would support me in any decision I wanted to make. I told him adoption and he just said “Okay.” My boyfriend”s family and my family all supported me, but I still didn”t want anyone else to know, so for the remainder of my pregnancy I stayed home.
I found what I thought was the perfect family through a Christian adoption center, but two weeks before my due date they informed me that the family didn”t want to adopt anymore. I was devastated. I didn”t like any of the other families and I didn”t know what to do. I prayed and prayed that God would show me the way and let His will be done. Then, when a social worker showed me the profile of another family, I knew deep down that was the right family for my baby.
Two days before my due date I gave birth to a 6lb 11oz 21in baby boy. I instantly fell in love with him. I always knew he was a boy, and I loved him before I met him. I couldn”t hand him over to his new parents, so I left the hospital empty handed and let my mom give him to them. The new parents urged me to have an open adoption because they loved me, too, and wanted me to be a part of his life. I agreed. I signed the papers and the next day we hung out all day. It made me happy to see this family love my baby as much as I do. I knew he belonged to them.
Now his family and I have a great relationship. I still see them and they send me lots of pictures. I love their three daughters and get along with them really well. I know this was a win, win, win situation: I live a good life, my baby has two parents to love him and support him, and his family got the baby they wanted so badly. My boyfriend and I are still together, going on three years, and every day I thank God for the blessinghe has given us and the new family we have gained. I believe that our baby was the best mistake I ever made, and his adoption was the best decision I ever made.
Brittany